so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There are leaves in my underwear?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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