I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Operation Purity has been aborted
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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