I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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