Ambien. No doubt about it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
