you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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