It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
