TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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