There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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