Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
