I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the day after is always just damage control
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
