Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
