She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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