Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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