Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
