God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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