OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
