so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
