i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
