I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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