Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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