His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
