I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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