we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize