how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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