I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
