mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
