Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
