Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
