I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
