what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
