One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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