matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
