i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
