So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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