I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
