Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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