I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
