We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
