I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
