legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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