Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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