that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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