your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
