I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
