I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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