dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
