there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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