shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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