After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
