Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize