your room smells of hookers.
And success
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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