people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
