You just made me feel so damn special
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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