If i come over, it means nothing
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
