If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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