Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
