remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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