Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm sobbing to NWA
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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