Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
