I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
