He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
