took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
