Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Are we still banned from the library?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
