it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
