I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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