I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
