remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They took my balls.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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