i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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