he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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