At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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