my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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