i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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