Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
