maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
