Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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