i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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