I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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