I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
