hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
