how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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