I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
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Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize